Better Internet for Kids

Many children and teenagers want to spend less time on their phones, but struggle to put them away. It’s hard to change habits when technology is working against you.

Behind apps like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat are large teams of developers and designers. Their job is to keep users in the apps for as long as possible so the companies can make as much money as possible. The apps are designed to make us scroll, click, and keep watching, ideally without us even noticing.

How attention is captured

Many of the apps children and teenagers use play on how the brain works. The brain likes rewards, surprises, and social validation. When we get a like, a notification, or watch a new video, the brain releases dopamine, a chemical that creates a pleasant feeling and signals: “That was good.”

Here are some examples of features and design elements that tap into the brain’s reward system:

• Infinite scrolling, autoplay, and algorithms
  When content never ends and the next video starts automatically, your children don’t even have to make an active choice. Algorithms quickly learn what young users like and serve more of the same. This often turns “just one more” into much more than planned.
• Streaks and rewards
  On Snapchat, young people are rewarded for sending snaps every day. If they lose the “streak,” it can feel like a loss. This creates social pressure and makes many people log in, even when they don’t really feel like it.
• Unpredictable rewards
  Likes, messages, and notifications appear at unpredictable times. Sometimes you can receive many, sometimes none. This unpredictability makes the brain keep checking to see if something has happened.
• Push notifications and red icons
  Notifications and red dots are designed to grab attention. If you haven’t opened an app for a while, you might receive alerts about things that aren’t really important, such as “people you may know” or influencer content. The goal is to pull young people back into the app, even when it isn’t urgent.

Social media is an important part of young people’s lives as it’s a place for young people to stay in touch with friends. The challenge arises when screen time starts to interfere with sleep, school, or other important activities. That’s why it’s wise to help your child manage their time online.

How to help your child spend less time on social media

Ung.no and Kors på halsen are in close contact with children and young people who share concerns about their own screen use. Many say that time spent on social media is one of the most common sources of conflict at home.

Here are some tips and steps to help your child gain more control over the time spent on social media:

1. Put the phone somewhere else
   When your child doesn’t have the phone right next to them, it’s easier not to check it. If they have to get up to check it, they often end up waiting a bit longer.
2. Turn off unnecessary notifications
   Fewer notifications mean fewer temptations, less stress, and fewer interruptions in everyday life. You can turn notifications on and off both in the app itself and in the settings on the phone/tablet. Many apps have notifications turned on by default, so you often have to actively go in and change this.
   Both Snapchat and TikTok have many options for what notifications the child receives. Limiting these to a minimum can reduce stress and screen time.
3. Set time limits in the apps
   Use the time limit features in the apps or on the phone. When time is up, your child is done — even if it’s tempting to continue.
4. Use focus mode
   especially when your child is doing homework, spending time with friends, or going to sleep.

Make shared rules

Listen to what your child thinks. 
Agree on a few clear boundaries together, and feel free to write them down. 
Try them out for a period, talk about them after a while, and adjust them together.

It’s also a good idea to have the conversation when things are calm, and not in the middle of a conflict about putting the phone away. Then it’s easier to think things through together, without it turning into an argument. Talk about both the positive and challenging aspects of social media. Ask what the child enjoys and what may feel overwhelming.

Be a good role model

Children notice very well how adults use screens, so remember to think about how you use your phone in front of them. 

Rules and screen-free zones often work best when they apply to the whole family.

At the same time, it’s important to remember that social media is an important part of children’s social lives. The challenges only arise when time spent starts affecting sleep, school, mood, or concentration. Then you can help your child manage their time on social media, so they are the ones in control of the apps, not the other way around.

The Norwegian Safer Internet Centre has developed a similar guide for young people.

Find out more about Safer Internet Day in Norway. Alternatively, find more information about the work of the Norwegian Safer Internet Centre, including its awareness raising, helpline, hotline, and youth participation services, or find similar information for other Safer Internet Centres throughout Europe.