Better Internet for Kids

Technology and the internet are an everyday part of most children’s lives. From gaming to social media to livestreaming and beyond, there are many activities that children and young people enjoy online alongside their offline interests and routines.

As with all aspects of life, there are risks involved in different activities, and the internet is no different. One of the most powerful ways to support your child to be positive, responsible and safe online is through regular discussion.\

This training module will guide you through ways that you can discuss online safety with your child, as well as ways you can build in regular opportunities for these discussions.

Regardless of the age of your child, it is never too early to start discussing their online experiences in order to inform and advise them. Of course, the conversations you might have with a 5-year-old about their online life are going to be very different to conversations with a 10-year-old, or a 17-year-old! It is important to pick topics that are relevant to your child’s online experiences.

The trickiest part of the process is often getting the conversation started! Here are some strategies that you might find helpful:

• Try things out together – sometimes the best way to understand your child’s online life is to get involved in it. This could be by playing their favourite game with them, or asking them to explain a new app they enjoy using. Being interested in what they do online gives you the opportunity to ask questions as well as for your child to show you what they already know about staying safe.
• Use news and examples – for some children, having conversations about their own online experiences can feel too personal, even if it is with someone they trust. One way to talk about online risks is to use news stories or storylines from TV shows and movies to open up a discussion about an online issue such as cyberbullying or sexting. You can then ask your child for their views on what happened, what could have been done differently, and what the consequences might be for the people involved.
• Use a conversation starter – having a range of different topics and questions you can use to start a casual conversation can help your child to feel like they are chatting with you, not being interrogated by you! This topic generator (in English) can help you start conversations about online life.

Depending on how your family communicates, you may already have established ways of discussing important topics – this could include ideas like ‘family time’ or a particular place in your home where you come together to talk about things important to your family. If that’s the case, then look for opportunities to add conversations about online safety into the mix to help ensure that you discuss them regularly.

Every family is different, and not all families have agreed ways to discuss things – if that’s your family, then don’t worry! You know your child best, and that includes how they like to communicate. For some children, a face-to-face conversation can feel intimidating, especially if they have been told it is important. Some children may prefer to chat in other ways that they are more comfortable with – this might include sending messages to you over an app, writing notes or questions down for you to answer, or recording videos or audio messages to tell you about their experiences.

Even in face-to-face conversations, be mindful of what helps your child open up. Some children may find it easier to open up and discuss topics when they are doing an activity alongside you (such as playing a videogame or doing household chores together). Sometimes great conversations happen when on a car journey – the lack of eye contact and need to answer instantly can make it less intimidating for young people to open up and discuss their lives!

No method of communication is ‘wrong’, so using ways that makes your child comfortable is the key! Keep in mind that your child’s preferred methods of communication may change as they get older, so being flexible to changing how discuss things with them is also important.

There is no ‘perfect’ time to talk about issues or problems – some children will often pick the least convenient time to want to talk to you about an issue! Try to find a time that is convenient for both of you, and if you can’t talk to your child immediately, make it clear to them that you are interested and that you do wish to have a discussion at another time.

Some conversations about online safety are easier than others, especially conversations that are on positive aspects of behaviour and life online. The hardest conversations are the ones about when things go wrong, about things that can harm and about sensitive topics such as pornography and sexting.

The following points are useful to consider when discussing difficult topics:

• Be prepared – take some time to find information or support about the topic beforehand, so that you can approach it more confidently.
• Try not to judge – you may find your child’s online behaviour difficult to understand sometimes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is wrong, just different to your own online behaviour and the experiences you had when you were a child. Judging or blaming your child’s online behaviour may lead to them feeling less confident in talking to you about online issues in the future.
• Don’t make assumptions – news stories and media may tell a story of all children or young people experiencing risky situations or harm online, but that isn’t the case. Actively listen to your child and don’t assume that they have/haven’t experienced something.
• Little and often – sensitive topics are hard to talk about for long periods of time. Having short but regularly conversations can help you break down complicated topics into smaller, more manageable chunks.
• Be honest – children look to their parents for all the answers in life. But sometimes we don’t know the answers! It’s better to be truthful and tell your child that you don’t know, rather than make up an answer that might end up being bad advice. You could work with your child to search for the answer online, or find someone who knows more.
• Keep the communication open – there are times in a child’s development when a parent may not be the first person they turn to for help or support. Making sure your child knows you are always there to talk and help them with any issue (online or offline) can ensure that there is always another opportunity to have a conversation.

It can feel overwhelming to protect your child online when they may be able to interact with strangers and see a wide range of different things on social media. You can’t keep track of everything they do online, and as young people get older, their right to privacy online also becomes important.

You may not know much about online platforms, games and apps, or about technology in general. It is natural to feel more fearful about things we don’t understand.

However, it is important to know that facing risk online doesn’t mean a child will be harmed. For someone to protect themselves online, they need to have skills and strategies for spotting and managing online risks and knowing how to get help when needed.

Supporting your child to develop skills and strategies for looking after themselves and others can go a long way to helping them avoid online risk. These include skills such as media literacy (being able to decide what/who is trustworthy), digital citizenship skills (understanding their responsibilities in online groups/communities) and cybersecurity skills (protecting accounts and personal data). Some of these skills rely on a common-sense approach and encouraging your child to question what they experience.

Most importantly, you can equip your child with strategies for dealing with anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or worried online. These can include:

• Knowing who to turn to for help if they (or others) need it, and when to do so
• Knowing where the safety and reporting tools are on their favourite games, and how to use these
• Understanding what the risks are online that they may encounter
• Recognising why it is important to protect themselves and others online

A great way to test out your strategies is to ask ‘What if…?’ questions – do the strategies work in different situations? Do they work on different apps/games? When might your child need to do something differently in order to stay safe?

Talking about what is okay and not okay to do online (or with technology) is vital to help your child understand what is acceptable, where the boundaries are and what your expectations for their behaviour are. Children will often test for boundaries – this often isn’t because they are being ‘naughty’, it’s because they feel more secure when they know where the boundaries of behaviour are.

A great way to explore this area together as a family is to create a family agreement together – rather than rules that have been set by you, this is a chance for the whole family to agree on what is acceptable use of online services and technology. This template (in English) from Childnet (part of the UK Safer Internet Centre) can help you discuss and create your own family agreement.

\As a parent or carer, you may be able to tell when something is troubling your child. However, there may be times when you are unaware that something has happened. Teaching your child how to let you know when they are worried about something online can make it easier for them to ask you for help, and easier for you to spot when they need it.

Take a few moments to consider what words/phrases your child could use in an opening sentence/question to you that would let you know they are worried about an issue. It could be a direct sentence, e.g. ‘I really need to talk to you about…’ or it could be a codeword that only you and your child would recognise, e.g. ‘red flag’.

Discuss this with your child and agree on some words or phrases that would empower you both.

There may be times when your child encounters difficulties online that you or they are unable to solve alone. Knowing who to turn to for further support is crucial to ensure your child is protected. The following sources of support may be helpful, depending on the nature of the issue:

• School – your child’s school may be able to offer support for online issues, particularly cyberbullying that involves other school students. They may also be able to connect you with other sources of support such as counsellors, psychologists, NGOs and law enforcement.
• Reporting tools – using the reporting tools on apps and games to flag a problem to them is important – they may be able to remove harmful content or block offensive users.
• Helplines – In the EU, 116 111 is the number for child helplines. Making your child aware of these is important as there may be times they want help from someone other than you. The Insafe network of Safer Internet Centres also run helplines that can be contacted if your child is facing issues online. You can find details of your national centre on the Better Internet for Kids site.
• Law enforcement – depending on the nature of the issue, you may be able to seek support from local law enforcement if you believe that the law has been broken.